Wounded Healer
Written by drmclark
I love helping people heal. It fills my heart with a sense of joy and gratitude that I can’t adequately articulate. But it’s not always joyful, being in the trenches with a broken human. Sometimes it’s excruciating, and not because of I’m sharing space with a person who’s unwell, but because I’m not always well.
It’s super cliche to say this as counselor, but it’s honest and I’m believe in being a human BEING, not a bot. There are times when I’m triggered by life and still have to show up as a counselor and that’s hard.
I had a wonderful therapist for approximately five years when life was mostly unbearable. Yes, I was a counselor then and yes, I still showed up for clients as they journeyed through their trauma. I also took medication for depression and anxiety (I hated both, but needed them) and was desperately trying to break unhealthy childhood and generational trauma patterns.
I have experienced several types abuse. That’s not easy to share, but I vividly remember sharing with, what I thought was a safe group of therapists at my first internship as a counseling student that I was a survivor of sexual abuse, and being told by my supervisor that if I didn’t get therapy I couldn’t continue my internship. Now this may not sound bad, but being forced to get therapy after sharing I had seen a therapist, and being re-traumatized by the therapist I was forced to see to fulfill a graduation requirement, something that would effect my livelihood, was a damaging experience that must be shared to protect and inform others.
People who abuse others are not well. People who are racist are not well. I dealt with both while learning how to be a counselor. I’m not going to share details of that journey in this post, instead I want to highlight the part about racism.
I’m a Black woman who lives in the United States so racism is an illness that’s infected my since birth. Our current administration amplifies and fuels all things hateful so racism is a disease that’s reached epidemic proportions right now.
TOOLS YOU CAN USE!
Prayer: Like seriously, I talk to God alot and the stress disappears!
Yoga: I pray and do yoga and the stress and fat disappear 😏😂
Rest: Sometimes I take naps. Even 15 minutes helps!
Music: I sing it, play it and dance to it!
Hugs: They release endorphins and make you feel better
Cry: It gets the pain out!
Cardio and weightlifting: Sometimes I gotta sweat it out! Boxing is great!
I dance between ensuring my clients of color feel validated and safe, and making sure that I don’t sob from feeling helpless…
Turning on the news is hard. Looking at social media is uncomfortable and having conversations with people who don’t belong to your marginalized group can be exhausting. I spend a lot of time as a counselor educating clients about how to be culturally competent in areas where they hold privilege, because the majority of us have privilege in at least one area or another. This is rewarding and healing, but when I’m not well because of the commander in chief’s racist tweets those conversations feel like work.
I dance between ensuring my clients of color feel validated and safe, and making sure that I don’t sob from feeling helpless or go into a state of rage from being fed up. My blackness is one of the more salient parts of myself, coming a close second to being a woman, so when it’s attacked it’s challenging for me not to feel safe.
I’ve spent my career working tirelessly to create a safe space for people only to live in a world where I don’t feel safe. It’s insulting, disheartening and infuriating. Earlier I mentioned that I had an amazing therapist for about five years. I eventually found her after leaving the therapist I was forced to see and she was literally heaven sent! I stopped seeing her almost two and a half years ago because she moved, but she left me with the ability to use healthy coping skills and restored hope in the therapeutic process. I will share some of the tools I use when I’m not well and have to be present as a counselor. I hope it helps my fellow therapists of color and therapist who belong to minority groups. I see you; I appreciate you; I’ve got your back and thank you for showing up for others as they’re healing. The world is better because of you!